College students love Taco Bell. Cheap and quick, Taco Bell accommodates the student, who is poor in both time and money. You can easily transform two bucks into a number of delicious combinations: tacos, enchiladas, gorditas, and best of all: burritos. Burritos are the only remedy for one with simultaneous cravings for cheese, guacamole, sour cream, and bean lard.

In my experience burritos never travel alone. They often are seen in pairs or even triplets. I’ve even seen them coupled with any number of items from the 99 cent value menu. I’m no math major, but this one is easy: Burrito = delicious.

Burritos are easy to come by, but the easier they come, the easier they go. According to Taco Bell International, the average preparation time of a bean burrito is a one minute, 41 seconds, while the average life span of an unwrapped burrito is 37.4 seconds. About 20 minutes after devouring the bean, sour cream, cheese, and lard creation, the bliss has passed. In the aftermath, not only am I still hungry, but I’m in pain. I inhale burritos. But once I’m finished, I get a stomachache, which also never travels alone. These stomach pains can almost always be found in tandem with flatulence. The reality is that gas, a by-product the burrito connoisseur is forced to endure, stinks for you and everyone around you. The outcome of my usual trip to Taco Bell is never a pretty picture: a foul smelling, young man with gastro-intestinal discomfort. (Side note: The majority of Taco Bell restrooms I’ve been in have been very clean and well kept.)

You would think after three or four times, I might catch on. No such luck. It seems the hungrier I am, the less foresight I possess. But is this only true of our hunger for food? I think a worthy parallel could be drawn to the sexual appetite as well. Hunger makes us lose our ability to think of the future. How do we respond to hunger? Do we rashly, thoughtlessly try to quench it without thinking about the future? This might be permissible when dealing with your digestive system, but we cannot treat the sexuality of human beings of infinite value so callously.

If unfulfilling sex is a burrito, then sex as God designed it is the Thanksgiving Feast. Burritos are cheaper and faster, but only through patience and perseverance can the greatest good be achieved. At first Thanksgiving is a slow suffering that whets your desire. Smelling the buttery mash-potatoes, the stuffing (my favorite), and the roasting turkey is painful, especially when you see the oven timer still has over three hours. Where burritos are easy, thanksgiving is difficult. Even as a child, my mother put me to work stirring gravy and buttering bread. I’ve since moved on to peeling potatoes and chopping carrots. Thanksgiving always requires effort. Not just effort, but effort in the face of temptation. How many times did my thieving hand get slapped trying to sneak some crescent rolls? The meal is worth waiting for, had mother let me ruin my appetite, all our work would be in vain.

Sexuality is the hunger only a holy and spiritual union can fill. Why do we act surprised when anything else leaves us unfulfilled? Why do we stop at Taco Bell on our way to Thanksgiving dinner? Why are we so impatient and unwilling to allow God to cook us the thanksgiving feast that is holy sex, sex at its best. Sex at its best is a “complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman” (CCC 2337). Sex at its worst is a cheap and unsatisfying.

My mother slapping my hand is God asking us, begging us, not to settle for premarital sex. The only time God ever says “no” is when God wants to say “yes” to something higher. God asks us to skip the burrito and implores us to invest that hunger in something more stable. A burrito leaves us hungry 20 minutes later; thanksgiving feeds a family for a whole day, and for weeks afterwards with turkey sandwiches. Holy matrimonial sex will nourish the couple for a lifetime.

An appetite is healthy, but let’s not spoil it.

Men, put down the burrito and demand something higher, holier, and more nourishing. Let’s not settle for anything, but the best. We’re too good for anything but the highest good. Burritos cannot compare to well-cooked turkey.

Women, demand to be treated better than bean-lard and guacamole. Your dignity demands the attention, endurance, and determination of a real man, a Turkey-baser. You are too sacred to settle for anything less.

We must trust that God will not let us starve. We hold the menu; the choice is ours. We can have quick, cheap, unfulfilling sex, which is fleeting and leaves us hungry and gassy, or we can share the feast that God has prepared. The feast takes longer to prepare, but can be enjoyed for a lifetime.